A Sanctuary LLC
A Safe Place To Finally Heal From The Trauma TM
Support for survivors of assault and abuse, by providing a place to:
feel safe, feel welcomed, and have access to multiple resources.
Many will never know what we've gone through...
... and sadly, most of those that do,
think we should just get over it.
The different forms of abuse and assault
As Survivors ourselves, we know, because we've been through it.
When abuse comes to mind, most non-survivors think of physical or sexual abuse. When assault comes to mind, most also think of physical or sexual assault.
We will start with the basics. What is abuse and what is assault.
Before proceeding, we want to let any survivors that are reading this to keep in mind that these topics may be upsetting.
If you are not a survivor you may still find these topics upsetting. If so, please stop and take a break, or come back another time. It is not our intention to upset anyone, only to provide information.
Abuse:
[v. uh-byooz; n. uh-byoos]
–verb (used with an object)
1. to use wrongly or improperly; misuse:
to abuse one's authority.
2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way:
to abuse a horse; to abuse one's eyesight.
3. to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.
4. to commit sexual assault upon.
–noun 6. wrong or improper use; misuse:
the abuse of privileges.
7. harshly or coarsely insulting language:
The officer heaped abuse on his men.
8. bad or improper treatment; maltreatment:
The child was subjected to cruel abuse.
9. a corrupt or improper practice or custom:
the abuses of a totalitarian regime.
10. rape or sexual assault.
As we can see according to the definition, there are three types of abuse listed, physical, verbal, and sexual. Reminded, most will agree that verbal abuse does exist. However, don't be fooled, there are many more.
We are going to assume that you know what physical and sexual abuse are. Most think that verbal abuse is WHEN SOMEONE IS SCREAMING "LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!". This is not the only form of verbal abuse.
A father can (at normal volume, but with a dark tone) say to their son,
"Jeremy, you are so stupid. Can't you do anything right? You can't be my son."
This will cause just as much damage, if not more, than screaming.
Perhaps it is a mother that says to her daughter, "You disgust me! I wish you were never born!"
These can, and often are remembered for a lifetime.
I am fifty-three and I still remember when I was five what my mother said after I was molested by a neighbor. My parents took to talk to the nice man (a psychologist), and when I didn't, on the way home from the third and last visit, my mother turned to me and said,
"You didn't talk to the nice man, so we will never talk about this again, you have embarrassed our family enough."
Let's move on.
Another type of abuse that is almost never talked about is referred to only as RA.
So dark is this that even those that are the victims of this call it RA. What does RA stand for? Ritual or Ritualistic Abuse.
I am not a survivor of RA, though I have spoken to someone that was and the stories were so horrific, that not one horror show comes close to the horror of RA.
How can this be? Not "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"? Not "The Amityville Horror Story"? Not "Nightmare On Elm Street"? No, no, and again, no. I will only let a touch be known, for imformation only. With almost all abuse the victim is coerced or persuaded to not run, tell, etc. Perhaps the victim is held.
In ritual or ritualistic abuse, the victim is likely to be tied down. Also, there may be others (up to 50 of them) that are either participating or spectating. This is rarely the case with other types of abuse (except for gangrape). These are just two of the things that darken RA.
If you are a survivor of RA, and would like to word this better or otherwise make a correction here, please email administrator@asanctuary.net with Definition of RA in the subject line.
Let's move on
Is neglect abuse? Many think that neglect is neglect. Yet, if you look at definitions 2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way, and 8. bad or improper treatment; maltreatment, yes, neglect is abuse because it treats the victim "in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way and is "bad or improper treatment".
Let's move on to assault.
Assault:
[uh-sawlt]
–noun
1. a sudden, violent attack; onslaught:
an assault on tradition.
2. Law - an unlawful physical attack upon another; an attempt or offer to do violence to another, with or without battery, as by holding a stone or club in a threatening manner.
While these are good definitions, we want to also include the legal definition.
1 : the crime or tort of threatening or attempting to inflict immediate offensive physical contact or bodily harm that one has the present ability to inflict and that puts the victim in fear of such harm or contact
2 : the crime of assault accompanied by battery
NOTE: we underlined the above to make the following statement clear.
If a person threatens another (says they will inflict bodily harm) so as to give the receipient reasonable cause to believe they are in danger, the person that threatened them has committed assault.
When the same person that threatened them stikes, or makes offensive physical contact with the victim, they have commited battery. Hence the charges Assault and Battery.
To be even more clear on this, as a survivor myself, if a person says to me they are going to rape me, they have committed assault. Proving it in court is another thing entirely.
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Resources
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National Crisis 24hr Hot-lines (USA only)
Rape, Abuse,
and Incest
Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN)
1-800-656-HOPE 1-800-656-(4673),
they really do care.
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Suicide Prevention
Any crisis that makes you think of suicide1-800-suicide
1-800-(784-2433)
OR
1-800-273-talk
1-800-273-(8255)
Click for your State's
list of local hot-lines
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Self-Harm Prevention
1-800-DONTCUT
1-800-(366-8288)
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International Hot-lines
We are looking for world-wide Suicide / Crisis Hotlines and will post them here as they
become available.
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Crisis Web-links
Self-Harm Prevention
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Your Sanctuary
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